What not to do
by deadlyweirdstar
Summary: This is a "What not to do in D.Gray-Man" my friends and I made up.
1. 1 through 100

**Declaimer: **Sadly I don't own Dgm or any of the characters

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**What Not to do in Dgm**

1. I will not call the millennium Earl fat.

2. Jumping oof the top of the Black Order HQ to see if you survive if you hit the bottom isn't a smart thing to do.

3. I will not go through everyone's stuff to see if they are on drugs.

4. I will not steal Lavi's hammer and play wak-an-exorcist.

5. A spork isn't an anti-akuma weapon.

6. I will not make fun of Bak's name.

7. The scar on Allen's face isn't a pimp symbol.

8. Timcanpy isn't the golden snitch.

9. When Allen has his left eye activated and the thing comes up on his face it isn't a good idea to see if it comes off.

10. Poking Kanda isn't a good way to get his attention.

11. Mugen isn't supposed to be used to kill spiders.

12. I will not constently start a conversation about sex when Allen leaves the room then when he gets back say "Shh, his virgin ears shouldn't here this."

13. Saying the ninja pirate zombies are coming and the only safe place is Allen's room isn't a good way to get into his bed.

14. I will not take Kanda's clothes and replace them with frilly dress'.

15. Calling Kanda "Yuu-chan" isn't the smartest thing to do.

16. I will not glomp Allen or Lavi every time I see them.

17. I will not go through Komui's stuff to try to prove he is an alien.

18. "Go through Kanda's stuff" day isn't a holiday.

19. Lavi isn't a mexican gangster pirate.

20. Trying to find the fountain of youth isn't a good excuse to get out of missions.

21. "Boot to the face" isn't a good combat move.

22. When something breaks I will not blame it on my imaginary friend Bob.

23. I will not kill Lenalee.

24. I wiull not tell Cross to send all his debt to Allen.

25. I will not start a "See who can piss Kanda off the most" contest.

26. I will not stare intensely at anyone while they are eating.

27. i will not start a food fight in the cafeteria.

28. I will not start a game off hide and seek and make everyone join.

29. Allen doesn't look good with neon pink hair.

30. Getting Timcanpy to record Allen while he is in the shower then watching 20 times isn't right especially if Allen catchs you watching it.

31. "Attack of the fangirls" shouldn't be unleashed in the Black Order.

32. Helping Komui with his experiments os bad especially when you blow up half the headquarters.

33. I will not tell Lenalee to activate her Dark Boots and get lost.

34. "The night Komui Fucked up" isn't a good novel title.

35. Running through the halls screaming while banging an a pot with a wooden spoon isn't a good way to get everyone to wake up.

36. Putting Kanda's hair in pigtails isn't a very good thing to do while he is sleeping.

37. I will not constantly poke Allen's left hand.

38. People don't want your foot to meet there face.

39. I will not switch name plates on Kanda's and Lenalee's rooms and tell Kanda his room was moved.

40. I will not tell Kanda to go away.

41. I will not put a piece of tape on Lavi's forhead that say's "Mine" on it.

42. Lavi's headband isn't supposed to be used as a sling shot.

43. I will not glomp Kanda and tell him that he is pretty.

44. Putting "My property" on Allen's forehead in perminate marker is something you shouldn't do.

45. When you go one a late night stroll through the Black Order you shouldn't go to Kanda's room and stare at him while he is sleeping.

46. When Kanda's about to kill you, you shouldn't yell "RAPE!"

47. I will not bribe Lavi with pictures of beautiful girls just so he can do work for me.

48. Lenalee isn't a punching bag.

49. Kanda isn't a girl in disguise so don't try to prove it.

50. I will not steal Mugen and hide it in Allen's room.

51. Allen doesn't like it when you steal his food.

52. The cafeteria tables aren't supposed to be used as a shield from Kanda's attacks.

53. Komui doesn't like getting thrown out windows.

54. I will not annoy the science department while they are trying to work.

55. I will not play stip poker with Allen.

56. I will not start a random party for no good reason.

57. I will not push Lenalee off a bridge and tell Komui it was an accident.

58. I will not try to beak a tray over my head and when that doesn't work try to break it over Kanda's head.

59. I will not put a smiley face sticker on Kanda's forhead.

60. I will not teach Komui's robots how to do the robot.

61. I will not get Allen, Lavi, and Kanda drunk.

62. I will not purposely wreck my room so I can ask Allen or Lavi if I can sleep with them.

63. An exorcist jacket doesn't give you super powers.

64. I will not show Lenalee Bak's collection of pictures of her.

65. Skateboarding through the Black Order isn't smart especially when you falle down the stairs.

66. I will not start a staring contest with Kanda, it will last too long.

67. I will not "accidentally" knock over Komui's coffee onto important documents.

68. I will not drink tons of coffee.

69. Asking Allen, Lavi, or Kanda for a piggyback ride isn't something your should ask them everytime you see them.

70. When I see Allen I will not squeal "You're so cute!" then glomp him.

71. Glomping Lavi doesn't mean you should molest him also.

72. I will not stalk Allen, Lavi, and Kanda.

73. I will not walk into the Black Order library and bug Lavi.

74. Saying a bunch of gibberish around Kanda to seem like you're speaking Japanese will piss him off.

75. I will not go up to Komui and ask him to make me a love potion.

76. Dancing around and glomping Kanda is considered the "Dance of Death"

77. When I see Lavi without a shirt on I will not die fo heart failure.

78. I will not tell Kanda "Hello"

79. I will not set myself or anyone else on fire.

80. I will not replace Kanda's toothpaste with numbing gel.

81. Don't open windows while it is raining. It will get wet.

82. I will not tie a rope to Kanda's foot then pull while he is sleeping.

83. I will not replace Lavi's shampoo with mud.

84. I will bnot put Kanda's clothes in the toilet then flush.

85. I will not call Jasdero's pant butt pants.

86. I will not put Devit's hair in little tiny pigtails.

87. It is probably not a good idea to cling to Tyki.

88. I will not give Skin sour patch kids.

89. I will not tell Road that her hair looks like it has been attacked by angry birds.

90. I will not play Russian Roulette with the twins.

91. Lero shouldn't be used to unclog a toilet.

92. I will not call Tyki a Mexican.

93. I will not make the Noah's do my homework.

94. I will not try to teach the Noah's anything.

95. I will not start singing the song the never ends.

96. I will not make meowing noises in Kanda's ear.

97. Unleashing kittens in the Black Order isn't funny especially when you start in Kanda's room.

98. Important documents and fire don't go together.

99. I will not give Kanda happy pills.

100. I will not take a picture of Lenalee, draw a mustache on it, make copies and put it all over the Black Order.


	2. 101 through 200

**Declaimer: **I own nothing... sad i know

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**What Not to do in Dgm part 2**

101. Kanda's soba doesn't belong on hid head.

102. I will not pur a bucket of water on Kanda's head to see what he looks like wet.

103. The ark shouldn't be used when playing hide and seek.

104. I will not tie a feather on the end of a string and dangle it in front of people to see if they act like cats.

105. I will not try to remove Lavi's eye patch to see what's underneath.

106. I will not try to see if Allen's scar is drawn on his face with magic marker.

107. Poking Lavi's eye out to see if he will move his eye patch won't be a good idea.

108. I will not set Allen up on a blind date with either Lavi or Kanda.

109. I will not set Lavi up on a blind date with Kanda.

110. Seeing what Kanda looks like with short hair will get you killed.

111. I will not tie a spider to a fishing pole and lower it on Lenalee's head.

112. I will not blow up Lenalee then have a party afterwards.

113. 65 is not an acid spirit.

114. I will not search through the Black Order to see if it the Black Market in disguise.

115. Marshmallow peeps will not keep akuma away even if you put them in the microwave.

116. I will not make the science department make me a potion that will make my skin change colors depending on my mood.

117. I will not poor the potion on Kanda.

118. I will not yell "Seven Minutes in heaven" then shove Allen and Lavi in a closet.

119. I will not do number 118 only with Allen and Kanda or Kanda and Lavi.

120. Taking a crayon or marker and drawing all over the walls of the order will make people mad especially if you draw yaoi.

121. Throwing bread at Kanda isn't the proper way to make toast.

122. I will not ride through the order on a tricycle.

123. I will not make a very detailed Laven, Yullen or Yuvi fan fiction and give everyone a copy.

124. Allen's hair does not taste like marshmallows.

125. I will not randomly fall asleep in a hallway in the order.

126. I will not randomly walk into Allen's, Lavi's or Kanda's room and fall asleep.

127. I will not give Kanda make-up for his birthday.

128. Lenalee isn't a pack mule.

129. I will not randomly start a campfire in the middle of the order.

130. When I get a major injury I will not say "It's just a flesh wound."

131. I will not make the science department make me rocket powered skates.

132. Lenalee isn't a musical instrument no matter how much her name sounds like one.

133. Lenalee isn't a foreign food either.

134. I will not take Allen to a highway just to wave at cars.

135. Lenalee won't fit in a mailbox.

136. I will not ask Allen, Lavi or Kanda to get me a paper plate just so I can go into their rooms without them knowing.

137. Just standing there and watching the rabbits take Lavi away is not good.

138. I will not try to hide Lenalee under a leaf even though she looks like she could fit under one.

139. I will not dress like a police officer and give everyone in the order a ticket.

140. I will not make one of the hallways in the order a slip n' slide, of a slip n' fall.

141. I will not lock Lenalee outside while there is a thunderstorm.

142. Having a cactus fight in the middle of the order is a big no-no.

143. I will not ride through the order on a vacuum cleaner.

144. I will not ride through the order on a lawnmower.

145. The baths at the order isn't a place for your pet iguana.

146. Jumping on a cart and pretending you are on a boat is something you shouldn't do.

147. Running around the order and hitting people with a brick you call the puberty brick is a bad idea.

148. I will note randomly quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

149. I will not randomly quote Anchorman.

150. I will not randomly start narrating my life.

151. I will not "accidentally" glue myself to Allen, Lavi or Kanda.

152. I will not randomly start singing "The Yellow Submarine".

153. I will not randomly announce that Kanda is PMSing.

154. I will not crush a can on Kanda's head.

155. I will not make it on the living room couch. Especially because I don't know how to make whatever "it" is.

156. Somehow randomly floating down the hallway will creep people out.

157. You shouldn't throw Lucky Charms at people and yell "It's magically delicious."

158. You don't dress yourself like boxes of Frosted Flakes and tackle people yelling "I'm Ggrrreat"

159. Timcanpy is not a baseball.

160. Allen's arm is not to be used as a fork incase of emergency.

161. Allen's hair is white and it will stay white.

162. I will not let Kanda plant Allen.

163. Kanda is not a merman.

164. Making references to children's cereal isn't a good idea.

165. Hand sanitizer is called hand sanitizer for a reason.

166. Lavi is not the Easter Bunny in disguise.

167. I will not shout "Happy concussion" as I jump out a window.

168. Giving Kanda LSD isn't a smart idea.

169. I will not put a window on the door to Allen's, Lavi's or Kanda's rooms just so I can look at them while they sleep.

170. Animal crackers aren't supposed to be used to show Allen where babies come from.

171. I will not spike Allen's, Lavi's, or Kanda's drinks.

172. I will not start a rumor about Allen, Lavi and Kanda being gay.

173. Trying to punch a hole through a wall in the order might hurt.

174. I will not push Kanda down some stairs saying that I wanted to make sure, if he was a girl, he wasn't preggers.

175. I will not wrap myself in plastic wrap and run or try to run through the order.

176. Italian dressing isn't supposed to be used as holy water.

177. I will not make Kanda a paper hat then glue it to his head.

178. I will not go into the Black Order library and rip apart books to make a paper replica of a piece of paper.

179. I will not say "Be Free" then push Lavi into a river.

180. I will not make Kanda hold a light bulb to see if it lights up.

181. I will not count every step I take just to annoy people.

182. Teaching everyone the effects of gravity on people doesn't mean you push Lenalee out a window.

183. I will not glue two magnets together and ask people to pull them apart.

184. The Boogyman does not exist so don't pretend he is coming for you.

185. When I see a spider I will not throw Allen at it.

186. I will not pickpocket Lavi then go to the mall with his money.

187. I will not chew gum then stick it in Lenalee's hair.

188. Meter sticks aren't supposed to be used as weapons.

189. I will not run into the infirmary with a paper cut and act like I am dying.

190. I will not jump on Kanda's back and fall asleep, or pretend to sleep, and start drooling.

191. I will not dye Kanda's hair magenta.

192. Milkshakes don't belong on Kanda's head.

193. Allen's hair isn't my personal hand towel.

194. Kanda isn't y personal pillow.

195. Lavi isn't a chair.

196. I will not take ice cream and shove it in Kanda's face telling him he needs to cool off.

197. I will not put on a cape and hug Allen, Lavi, and Kanda saying I am Captain Hugs-a-lot.

198. I will not randomly yell my alphabets.

199. Komui's hat isn't supposed to be used to clog a toilet.

200. I will not start a "Top Ten Reasons I Hate Lenalee" list.

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I had a lot of help with this from my friends. I thank them all for the help.

Oh and I really appriciate the people who reviewed. Thank you.


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